No More Resolutions

 

My Daddy got me into Westerns when I was a little girl and I love them to this day.  John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef and Robert Mitchum were some of the actors I enjoyed watching as cowboys, albeit I did not always side with them.  Daddy used to also watch the shows Gunsmoke, Have Gun Will Travel, Cochise, Rifleman, Bonanza and all those weekly Westerns.  Goodness, I really miss the cleanness that came with those shows.  I shared all that because one of my personal favorite Western is Tombstone (George P. Cosmatos, 1993); with Kirk Russell as Wyatt Earp and Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday; it is deliciously action packed and Kilmer’s Doc Holliday was so sublime.  The only other two actors that pulled off such a piece of work with the same characters were Burt Lancaster as Wyatt and Kirk Douglas as Doc in Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (John Sturges, 1957).

Okay, sorry, I digressed a little, however, listening to the radio, watching TV, and reading articles online; many were discussing resolutions.  I thought about how many years I made resolutions only to break them and as my mind wandered regarding past and failed resolutions, something came to me.  That something was a quote from the Kilmer’s Doc Holliday near the end of the movie.  He is laid up in a hospital about to die and Wyatt visits him.  Wyatt says to Doc that all he ever wanted was a normal life to which Doc responded “There's no normal life, Wyatt, it's just life. Get on with it” and I asked myself why I was doing things as the world or society dictates.  As a parent I have always recognized the fact that it was not for me to attempt to mold my four children into my image but for them to follow the path set before them; good or bad.  My honor [not job or responsibility] as their mother was to love them unconditionally, guide them, fight for them, wrap my arms around them when it was needed and just be there for them.  I have not always been successful in every area, especially having been homeless twice; not of my doing or desire but I have come to realize that it was part of the journey; our journey.  Life is what it is, life and there is no guarantee that everyone will have a smooth ride but it is how we come out of it and if we have learned any lessons.  I learned a very long time ago that life is a never ending classroom and if one does not learn from mistakes or mishaps; we are doomed to repeat the lesson.  More importantly, the journey has led to this point that I do not have to nor need to live by others expectations; I was not created for that and that is what I taught my children.  My life and its journey can only be explained via a quote by Leo Tolstoy (1828 – 1910) “The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity” and it is why I am in school. The adage “to thine own self be true” is spoken but we rarely live by it because of what others will think. I guess deep down I have always lived by that adage as I am not the daughter my parents attempted to mold me into nor the wife my former husband wanted me to be.   Am I where I want to be spiritually and economically? Not yet but I can honestly say that despite “the road less traveled” that has been my life; at the core, I am still me.  I have learned in my journey that if one allows negative circumstances or people to change who one is, that is weakness. Strength is going through the ugliness and your soul and spirit has not changed, it has grown but the core of who you are does not change.  Oh, I have my days of weakness, sadness and anger; you know, the usual, but now I can be content as spoken in the Bible. Now I can live life; maybe not a “normal” life as seen by others, but no more resolutions; just live mercifully, compassionately, empathetically and with love and wisdom.